Why am I a Mother?

This being Mother's Day and all, I have been thinking about why I am a mother. Well, that and the fact that I was awake at 6 a.m. for no apparent reason at all with nothing to do but think.

So anyway, why am I a mom? Maybe because I have no other marketable skills. Perhaps I didn't want to go on to college. Was I raised in a home that taught me that 'good women' were wives and mothers? Who knows. All I do know is that from my earliest recollections, all I ever wanted to be was a mommy.

I loved my mom. I mean really l.o.v.e.d. my mom! She was always there to do the 'mom' stuff. She made the meals, she helped with homework, she drove us to and picked us up from school (in the towns where we lived that didn't have bussing), she was a MOM. She took her job seriously. She wasn't constantly looking for that elusive something that would fulfill her. She didn't treat mothering as something she had to do until we were old enough that she could get back to doing what she really wanted to do.

And yet, she did enrich her mind. She read a lot and on car trips, she would read the funny parts out loud. I liked that. When I was in fifth grade she took an accounting class and I recall being so impressed that she was learning that. She always had a great circle of friends and even made friends anywhere she went (or even talking to the telephone operator during a wrong number situation once. I believe her example of warmth and humor to others greatly impacted me.

So, that is what I wanted to be. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to make a home and take care of my family. Boy, I had no clue how that idea would bloom into the crazy family I have now! I envisioned a quiet little family like the one I grew up in. Mine couldn't be further from that now.

Oh sure, it started out pretty simple. First our beautiful son was born. What a joy! I knew I wanted more children but I so enjoyed him that the four years flew by before we had our second child; our beautiful daughter. Such a juxtaposition was her birth. She was everything I wanted; a daughter who was amazing in every way. She completed our family. She was sweet-tempered and everything should've been perfect. It would've, had it not been for the 18 months of post-partum depression coupled with Rick quitting his secure job of 11 years to buy our first business. My lovely dream of motherhood collided with the harsh world of stress.

When things finally evened out five years later, we knew we were supposed to adopt a daughter from Russia. So we did and that snowballed into three more international adoptions. Of course, we didn't bring home perfect little bouncing baby bundles of joy. No, we brought home children between the ages of 19 months and 5 years, three with varying degrees of physical issues (missing limb, needing craniotomy and genetic stiffening of the joints) and bless his heart, the last one being the brother of one of the others. They were not 'bouncing baby' anythings...but they were perfect for our family.

My mothering took on an entirely different tone. No longer were my days filled with the simple things like making meals and going to the park. Now we were teaching litte ones how to live in a family and speak English. Medical issues sucked cash faster than we could make it sometimes. The emotional fallout of living in an Eastern European orphanage had to be dealt with daily.

This was nowhere near what I had ever dreamed of when I wanted to be a mom. And yet, I cannot imagine it any other way. I would have been bored silly with two 'average' kids. I love the fact that not only have I been able to be Mommy to our biological children, but also to our children who needed a second chance. What a blessing!

Maybe this sounds silly to you, but I feel like perhaps I've done a little good in the world. Not really for just my kids, but for some other kids who may have benefitted in the school system because I stomped in and asked the teachers and administration to educate themselves on children who have been raised with early childhood trauma. I know there have been other children adopted because I got the opportunity to speak about our own experiences. It's been an arduous journey for us. It's not been easy by any stretch but I liken it to digging a well by hand. It takes a long, long time and you get sore and dirty and want to give up a million times, but when it's done and you can see the fresh water being pumped out and quenching the thirst of others, you know it was worth all the hard work.

I'm quite satisfied that my childhood wish to be 'just a mom' has come true. I'm blessed to have all six of my unique and perfect (for me!) children plus a wonderful daughter-in-law. I want all of my children to follow a path that leads to their own personal happiness and I hope that my daughters will want to be moms. It is my great hope that they will see the importance of raising the next generation with strength and moral conviction...and humor and grace. There is not much applause in the daily tasks of making lunches and tying shoes or later on taking the swimsuit needed for the away meet up to the school in the nick of time. But let me tell you this, there is a deep, deep satisfaction in seeing your children being respectful, sincere, hardworking, kind, generous and able to love the Lord, themselves and others. For me, that is the big payoff.

Happy Mother's Day to my own mom, Paula Jacks, who set the example I wanted to follow, and to my wonderfully patient and accepting of a mouthy young girl who took over her son's life mother-in-law, Karen Tate. I love you both!