This blog post has special meaning. It may be the last. I am currently riding shotgun while my 16 year old son is driving us to Lincoln. Yes, he is 16 and technically should already have his license but he's the kind of guy who was happy to let his sister drive him to school, swim practice and where ever else because it was easier. Then when it got to be crunch time, he failed the permit test three times....but who doesn't, right? No? whatever. Add to that, every time he needed to take Driver's Ed, there was something going on to prevent it; golf practice, work, etc.
Wanting him to drive is surely a double-edged sword. I'm weary of carting his happy hiney all over creation but I'm terrified of riding with him. This is by kid who routinely says, "Wait, what?" in the middle of every conversation because he tuned out and then back in. This is not a good omen for driving.
But today I have to go to Lincoln and have something like 22,000 dental x-rays taken by my daughter who is almost finished with her Dental Assisting program. (This is where I wish she'd gone to beauty school instead of dental school) Since I have PTSD in regard to all things dental, I am not so much looking forward to this visit. At least it's only x-rays and not drilling, squirting, sucking, poking and prodding. Oh my! I'm experiencing heart palpatations now! Since I'm already near cardiac arrest with fear of the dentist, I thought now would be the perfect time to let the boy drive on the highway. This is sort of the same reasoning I used when I pierced M's ears on the same day she got her six month immunizations.
In chose to get out of town before handing over the wheel (read: my life) to the very excited boy. I pulled over to the side of the road and we were going to change places. Keep in mind that this boy doesn't hurry to do ANYTHING. He has two speeds: slow and sitting. But not today! Today before I can say, "Wait by the bumper until the semi goes by before you go open the door to get in." he is around the bumper and has the door open. As the semi swiftly approaches, threatening to either hit both boy and door, or at the very least, tear the door off with his backwash of air, I'm screaming for him to HURRY UP AND GET IN!! Given he has stiff legs, getting in is never quick. He finally gets the door slammed shut, the semi roars by. My throat tightened up and my left arm throbbed. I wonder; will I die of fright or a firey crash first?
We just took a cut off and rather than slowing to smoothly navigate the curve, we approached too quickly, almost stopped in the middle and then gunned it. I'm wishing I had spiked my latte this morning.
Most of the roads here in the heartland are flat and straight. The whole place is built around farm acres. This should be simple. I'm wishing I had remembered that nothing is ever simple.
I just asked him, "What are you going?" He responds, "Where am I going?" Why would I ask him where is he going? I'm wishing I had remembered that communication is not this guy's main strength. Wait, what?
I'm sweating profusely now. Is it fear? Is it the anticipation of my own death? Is it a hot flash?
I keep stealing glances at him. He appears to be almost asleep. I quearied and he assured me he was awake. I wonder what he is thinking about? Is he thinking about texting the girl he is dating? Is he calculating the distance from our bumper to the car in front? Is he thinking at all? He seriously appears two seconds from sleep.
And he is awake! We just turned from highway to another. He slowed appropriately and got into the turn lane. Two cars were coming so he stopped. He didn't HAVE to stop but he said he thought he did have to come to a complete stand still stop. In fact, rather than simply slowing down and easing to an almost stop (all that was necessary), he got to the perfect almost stop and then said, "Oh! I almost had it!" and then proceeded to stand on the brake until we almost got whiplash and our seatbelts locked. There is no eyeroll big enough for me at this point.
I have taught three other kids to drive. You think I would be a pro. But I'm not. Each kid has their own quirky things about driving. My daughter A was similar to C and no matter how many times I yelled SLOW DOWN, she would SAY she was slowing down without actually decreasing speed at all. She is a fine driver now, though, so I take comfort in that.
I am going to sign off now and spend a little time in prayer, preparing to meet my maker. Wait, what?
Friday, July 27, 2012
Posted with Blogsy
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
It's a Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog World
Blogging is abounding in my house these days. My daughter, A, came home for the weekend and started a blog. Our visit has been punctuated by the click, click, clicking of laptop keys as she blogs away.
A is my kiddo who holds her cards pretty close to the vest. She isn't too fond of discussion of any personal nature and most assuredly not confrontation of any kind. When she was a little girl we found a way around that by using a notebook to write back and forth to one another. It was a way to keep the lines of communication open without the anxiety of face to face discussion. Now that she's 'all grown up'...or at least 'mostly grown up' we talk more often because we have built the trust necessary to say what one feels and know that it's ok. (She is a truly fabulous girl, my A!)
Through her newly minted blog I have come to realize that she's feeling a little adrift with the GIGANTIC changes that have occurred in her life in the last few months. What changes, you ask? Well she graduated high school in May, moved to a LARGE city...alone, started a new job with BIG responsibilities and went on a 10 day tour of Europe. Admittedly, that would knock anyone off kilter! Throw in a massacre of 12 innocent people who were enjoying a movie premiere and life feels a little shaky.
As a mom, it's hard to see your child struggle, be afraid, question her faith. Part of me wants to bring her home, shield her from the world and keep her safe. But I can't. My job now is to cheer from the sidelines; to call plays when she needs a suggestion for a game plan and pray.
These are the days when she is learning who she is. She is finding out just how strong she is. She is finding out she is as strong as I've always assured her she was. Sure, she is wobbly sometimes. She gets homesick so we text or talk on the phone. She gets frustrated at work so we talk about different ways to resolve employee conflicts or encourage good behavior. She signs up for her college classes and we celebrate!
Oddly, these are the days I have lived for. For me, this is the pay off. All the years spent teaching...well...everything you need to know when you fly from the nest, have paid off in spades! Watching her set up her home (an apartment her dad and I found downtown close to the Old Market area she loves); seeing her manage her time well and excel at her job; knowing she can manage her money well and loving that she wants to come home when she has the chance. It is affirming for me to see her do well.
But, I guess all these things that make me proud are making her crazy! She is lonely living alone and since school hasn't started yet, she hasn't had many chances to meet new people. She has to pay rent and utilities. She has to manage a sizable group of employees that are barely younger than she is. Bless her heart, I understand those things ARE hard. Maybe she would rather have stayed home all summer and lounged around. Perhaps she would rather be the lifeguard rather than the Manager at the pool.
Honestly, I don't think so. She is capable and intelligent and adventurous. She is a leader. She has her sister, M, who comes to have dinner with her from Lincoln. Her dad checks in with her between his service calls. Her siblings connect with her on Facebook and I try to pop in and see her as often as I can get to Omaha. She is surrounded by those who love and support her, though not as geographically close as before. She will find her rhythm and before we know it, she will be too busy to come home and visit!
As for questioning why a loving God would allow such pain and suffering, I don't have the answer for her. I share what I believe and encourage her to give thought to what she believes and knows to be true. Is God a big ole teddy bear who just does warm fuzzy things for us out of love? Is He a hard hearted deity who punishes even the innocent? This is her time to read, study, seek out those with wisdom and decide for herself what she knows to be true. I have faith that she will find the right road. I absolutely do NOT want her to believe what I believe simply because it is what she is supposed to believe. What kind of faith would that be? No, she needs to work it our for herself. Only then will it be HER faith.
I'm thankful for A's new blog. It's like a grown up version of our old notebook. I get a glimpse of what is kicking around in her heart and her head. I don't offer advice unless I'm asked. I love that she asks questions and wonders. She is growing and becoming herself.
I wonder who else in the family is going to start a blog? With a family the size of ours, we could get fined for using up too much of the Internet!
A is my kiddo who holds her cards pretty close to the vest. She isn't too fond of discussion of any personal nature and most assuredly not confrontation of any kind. When she was a little girl we found a way around that by using a notebook to write back and forth to one another. It was a way to keep the lines of communication open without the anxiety of face to face discussion. Now that she's 'all grown up'...or at least 'mostly grown up' we talk more often because we have built the trust necessary to say what one feels and know that it's ok. (She is a truly fabulous girl, my A!)
Through her newly minted blog I have come to realize that she's feeling a little adrift with the GIGANTIC changes that have occurred in her life in the last few months. What changes, you ask? Well she graduated high school in May, moved to a LARGE city...alone, started a new job with BIG responsibilities and went on a 10 day tour of Europe. Admittedly, that would knock anyone off kilter! Throw in a massacre of 12 innocent people who were enjoying a movie premiere and life feels a little shaky.
As a mom, it's hard to see your child struggle, be afraid, question her faith. Part of me wants to bring her home, shield her from the world and keep her safe. But I can't. My job now is to cheer from the sidelines; to call plays when she needs a suggestion for a game plan and pray.
These are the days when she is learning who she is. She is finding out just how strong she is. She is finding out she is as strong as I've always assured her she was. Sure, she is wobbly sometimes. She gets homesick so we text or talk on the phone. She gets frustrated at work so we talk about different ways to resolve employee conflicts or encourage good behavior. She signs up for her college classes and we celebrate!
Oddly, these are the days I have lived for. For me, this is the pay off. All the years spent teaching...well...everything you need to know when you fly from the nest, have paid off in spades! Watching her set up her home (an apartment her dad and I found downtown close to the Old Market area she loves); seeing her manage her time well and excel at her job; knowing she can manage her money well and loving that she wants to come home when she has the chance. It is affirming for me to see her do well.
But, I guess all these things that make me proud are making her crazy! She is lonely living alone and since school hasn't started yet, she hasn't had many chances to meet new people. She has to pay rent and utilities. She has to manage a sizable group of employees that are barely younger than she is. Bless her heart, I understand those things ARE hard. Maybe she would rather have stayed home all summer and lounged around. Perhaps she would rather be the lifeguard rather than the Manager at the pool.
Honestly, I don't think so. She is capable and intelligent and adventurous. She is a leader. She has her sister, M, who comes to have dinner with her from Lincoln. Her dad checks in with her between his service calls. Her siblings connect with her on Facebook and I try to pop in and see her as often as I can get to Omaha. She is surrounded by those who love and support her, though not as geographically close as before. She will find her rhythm and before we know it, she will be too busy to come home and visit!
As for questioning why a loving God would allow such pain and suffering, I don't have the answer for her. I share what I believe and encourage her to give thought to what she believes and knows to be true. Is God a big ole teddy bear who just does warm fuzzy things for us out of love? Is He a hard hearted deity who punishes even the innocent? This is her time to read, study, seek out those with wisdom and decide for herself what she knows to be true. I have faith that she will find the right road. I absolutely do NOT want her to believe what I believe simply because it is what she is supposed to believe. What kind of faith would that be? No, she needs to work it our for herself. Only then will it be HER faith.
I'm thankful for A's new blog. It's like a grown up version of our old notebook. I get a glimpse of what is kicking around in her heart and her head. I don't offer advice unless I'm asked. I love that she asks questions and wonders. She is growing and becoming herself.
I wonder who else in the family is going to start a blog? With a family the size of ours, we could get fined for using up too much of the Internet!
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