It's a Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog World

Blogging is abounding in my house these days. My daughter, A, came home for the weekend and started a blog. Our visit has been punctuated by the click, click, clicking of laptop keys as she blogs away.

A is my kiddo who holds her cards pretty close to the vest. She isn't too fond of discussion of any personal nature and most assuredly not confrontation of any kind. When she was a little girl we found a way around that by using a notebook to write back and forth to one another. It was a way to keep the lines of communication open without the anxiety of face to face discussion. Now that she's 'all grown up'...or at least 'mostly grown up' we talk more often because we have built the trust necessary to say what one feels and know that it's ok. (She is a truly fabulous girl, my A!)

Through her newly minted blog I have come to realize that she's feeling a little adrift with the GIGANTIC changes that have occurred in her life in the last few months. What changes, you ask? Well she graduated high school in May, moved to a LARGE city...alone, started a new job with BIG responsibilities and went on a 10 day tour of Europe. Admittedly, that would knock anyone off kilter! Throw in a massacre of 12 innocent people who were enjoying a movie premiere and life feels a little shaky.

As a mom, it's hard to see your child struggle, be afraid, question her faith. Part of me wants to bring her home, shield her from the world and keep her safe. But I can't. My job now is to cheer from the sidelines; to call plays when she needs a suggestion for a game plan and pray.

These are the days when she is learning who she is. She is finding out just how strong she is. She is finding out she is as strong as I've always assured her she was. Sure, she is wobbly sometimes. She gets homesick so we text or talk on the phone. She gets frustrated at work so we talk about different ways to resolve employee conflicts or encourage good behavior. She signs up for her college classes and we celebrate!

Oddly, these are the days I have lived for. For me, this is the pay off. All the years spent teaching...well...everything you need to know when you fly from the nest, have paid off in spades! Watching her set up her home (an apartment her dad and I found downtown close to the Old Market area she loves); seeing her manage her time well and excel at her job; knowing she can manage her money well and loving that she wants to come home when she has the chance. It is affirming for me to see her do well.

But, I guess all these things that make me proud are making her crazy! She is lonely living alone and since school hasn't started yet, she hasn't had many chances to meet new people. She has to pay rent and utilities. She has to manage a sizable group of employees that are barely younger than she is. Bless her heart, I understand those things ARE hard. Maybe she would rather have stayed home all summer and lounged around. Perhaps she would rather be the lifeguard rather than the Manager at the pool.

Honestly, I don't think so. She is capable and intelligent and adventurous. She is a leader. She has her sister, M, who comes to have dinner with her from Lincoln. Her dad checks in with her between his service calls. Her siblings connect with her on Facebook and I try to pop in and see her as often as I can get to Omaha. She is surrounded by those who love and support her, though not as geographically close as before. She will find her rhythm and before we know it, she will be too busy to come home and visit!

As for questioning why a loving God would allow such pain and suffering, I don't have the answer for her. I share what I believe and encourage her to give thought to what she believes and knows to be true. Is God a big ole teddy bear who just does warm fuzzy things for us out of love? Is He a hard hearted deity who punishes even the innocent? This is her time to read, study, seek out those with wisdom and decide for herself what she knows to be true. I have faith that she will find the right road. I absolutely do NOT want her to believe what I believe simply because it is what she is supposed to believe. What kind of faith would that be? No, she needs to work it our for herself. Only then will it be HER faith.

I'm thankful for A's new blog. It's like a grown up version of our old notebook. I get a glimpse of what is kicking around in her heart and her head. I don't offer advice unless I'm asked. I love that she asks questions and wonders. She is growing and becoming herself.

I wonder who else in the family is going to start a blog? With a family the size of ours, we could get fined for using up too much of the Internet!

 

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